Wash My Butt, Please   Leave a comment

The toilet is hissing.

It is hissing and making noises I am not accustomed to. I stand a few feet away, and peer inside. This is my first time using one of the Japanese toilets, and I’m a little confused.
Upon entering my hotel room, I noticed two things immediately. One,  the room could barely hold my suitcases. They couldn’t fit beside the bed, under it, or in the closet. I had to lay them flat in the walkway.

Secondly, there was a white cloth on the bed with a blue ribbon on it. I didn’t know what it meant, and I took it off and rested it near my television. This is the Sago Inn hotel, a sort of Japanese Day’s Inn. This is where I will make my home for the few days or so I do my initial training for my Job in this city of Hamamatsu.

But first, the toilet.

I step into the bathroom, which is incredibly small, and can barely house my skinny frame. Inside to my left, is a small panel on the wall. It has five buttons with small images on them. I’ve heard about these panels–they allow you to control your “experience”–and I smirk slightly.
After twenty-three straight hours of traveling, and lugging two seventy pounds suitcases through two Japanese train stations, I can’t even say I’m tired, I’m exhausted. But I can’t sleep, to sleep would be breaking Jet Lag rule number one.

The rule of Jet lag is to stay awake until the nighttime of wherever you travel, but since Japan is an entire day ahead of Jamaica, I wasn’t sure if I was to stay up for an entire day. (The massive time zone shifts confused me). For now, I would have to stay awake.
The bathroom had a small tub and spray showerhead. It was a simple setup, and on the toilet, the first time I entered, was a thin piece of paper. “DISINFECTED”, was written on it.
Eventually, I realized, I would have to use the bathroom. Not number one either.
This is when the toilet began hissing. I peered at the directions while on the throne and waited. When the toilet hissed, a powerful jet of water hit me between the buttocks with the force of a tennis ball thrown by a heft young boy. To say it was “interesting” is to put it mildly.

It felt awkward at first, but after a while, I felt very clean. It reminded me of something I heard a while back, about Will Smith using Wet Wipes after he does number two. There is a video clip of him saying, “It’s like taking a bath in the middle of the day.”
I have to agree.

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